


Guns and Dresses

by Wallwalker



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Action, Costume Parties & Masquerades, Costumes, F/M, Remix
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-16
Updated: 2012-03-16
Packaged: 2017-11-02 01:22:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/363451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wallwalker/pseuds/Wallwalker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Commander Gina Shepard and her lover dress up as beloved figures from her favorite vid, and the two of them contend with gaudy decorations, excessive alcohol consumption, small talk, enemy agents and YMIR mechs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Guns and Dresses

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sqbr](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sqbr/gifts).
  * Inspired by [ME2: Costume Party On Illium](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/7302) by sqbr. 



> Thanks so much to Lassarina for the beta read!

"That is a lovely costume, Commander Shepard." 

Gina Shepard blinked. She'd heard that a number of times that evening, and she'd never get used to it. "Thank you," she said, as graciously as she could manage; she couldn't let them know that this was _work,_ for her. She hadn't accepted this invitation for pleasure's sake. 

The asari matron was smiling at her, and judging from the slightly distant look in her eyes she'd had a couple of the wonderfully strong drinks that the guests were expected to enjoy if they could. Shepard was lucky that she didn't have to worry about intoxication for longer than a few minutes. She did hope they hadn't been forcing them on Thane, though. "It's such a lovely shade of green," she continued as if she hadn't heard Shepard's reply, "and such a fascinating style! Is this a historical recreation?"

"It was inspired by an old style of dress on Earth, yes," she answered.

"How quaint! It must have been difficult to move freely in such clothing." She took another sip of her drink. "May I please ask who you are portraying?"

Shepard held back a groan, mostly because it wasn't this woman's fault that she'd been asked that question at least a dozen times in the first hour alone. She'd started to wish she'd been broadcasting that information from her omni-tool, or at least that she'd worn a damn nametag. "A character from an old human vid," she said. "It's called _The Princess And The Frog._ "

"I've never heard of it," the asari said apologetically, which was the usual reaction - even among the humans in the group, who for the most part had either lived on Illium or were visiting from the various colonies and spacers that did business with the planet. This particular guest seemed to be wearing a more modern dress, probably some obscure character from Vaenia. She'd seen a few characters from that vid since she'd arrived, although never exactly the same costume twice, thanks to the costume registration she'd had to go through to accept the invitation. 

Privately, Shepard was starting to wish they'd made that registration information public. "It... wasn't immediately picked up for intergalactic release, so not a lot of people have heard of it. I'll send you the information."

"That would be wonderful, thank you."

"You're welcome." Shepard smiled and nodded. "Excuse me, but I'm looking for my partner. I should go."

"Of course! But please, give my compliments to whoever designed that dress. It's exceptionally well-made!"

"I will," you say with a polite nod, mentally adding another compliment to the list you've promised to give EDI and Mordin when you get back to the Normandy. Honestly, she couldn't bring herself to be surprised at Mordin's sewing skills; he was good at everything she'd ever seen him do.

The matron nodded and turned away, walking towards a crowd of asari in similar dresses, and who seemed to be in similar intoxicated states. Shepard refrained from shaking her own head as she left, with a supreme effort of will. People were certainly indulging themselves at this party; it might not be nearly as bad as the few that Aria had insisted she attend on Omega, but it was more than she'd seen on Beckenstein. The costumes were at least interesting, though. She'd even seen a few from vids she recognized, the vids that she'd watched nonstop as a child whenever she'd had the chance. They'd been her surrogate caretakers, in a real sense; they'd comforted her through the difficult times in her life, from childhood right up through the academy. Seeing all of those costumes was making her want to watch some of them again. 

Maybe she'd do that, when she got back to the ship. She and Thane could spend the rest of the evening watching videos and relaxing. She could use the solitude after a night like this. The place was huge and crowded and full of displays of wealth that frankly struck her as excessive. One of them, a massive statue that stood in the center of the room of a nude asari maiden, had caught her eye immediately - what had she said about it to Thane? Excessive, maybe, or overwrought. She didn't remember, that being just before she'd had to start socializing. She could ask him later if she really cared to know.

No time to think about that now, though. She had work to do. Miranda's warning still echoed in her head - _"Funds are being funneled into this business from one of Cerberus's accounts,"_ she'd said. _"We can assume that Cerberus is somehow using it to further their own plans, although the owner might not be aware of it. I think it's best if we investigate."_

EDI was probably halfway through the business's firewalls. Shepard was mainly there to investigate the building's security and see if she could uncover any information. So far she hadn't gotten much, except for the fact that their security was well-hidden; she doubted that anyone who hadn't spent years fighting mercs would've pegged those few asari and turians as consultants. But she'd been doing what she did long enough to tell when someone was keeping an eye out, and when they were carrying a concealed weapon. 

She passed another small cluster of partygoers with a mutter and a polite nod. They, by and large, nodded back and went back to their conversation, although one of them did catch her eye for a moment - a human in red and black robes, a costume she recognized from another favorite vid. They eyes spoiled it, though - they were wide, and very vividly green, and she stared at them for a moment before she could break away.

It took her a few more steps to realize that she was suddenly sweating, very much aware of the gun she had hidden on her ankle, the one that they'd designed specifically to pass the party's detectors. Why? She wracked her brain - so much of what had happened before Lazarus was still something of a blur, although she could usually hit the high points. Was he someone she'd seen before? Maybe, or maybe it was just a sense of deja vu. She couldn't tell.

She shook her head. She didn't have the answers yet; she'd talk to Thane about it. She knew exactly where he was, of course; her comment that she'd had to search for him had just been a polite way of escaping the conversation. Parties like this were full of polite bullshit, the sort of thing Shepard had no patience for whatsoever. She needed quieter company.

She found him just as he was emerging from a corridor, nodding politely to an intoxicated salarian in a lab coat. The costume she'd chosen for him matched hers - long white cape, green tunic in the same fabric as her dress, dark pants and sash. Old fashioned, as much as hers was. He'd accepted the costume with good grace, even the cape, which she was fairly sure had been removed at least three times that night already.

His eyes lit up as he saw her. "Siha," he said, smiling slightly at her, even seeming to venture a bow. It was appropriate enough, in that sort of party, but still looked more than a little ridiculous on him.

"Thane," she said, leaning in to embrace him - two young lovers speaking to each other, nothing out of the ordinary. Or so the party-goers would think. "What have you found?"

"Little of note. I've examined several rooms and found nothing of interest. No heightened security, and no messages from the ship to indicate any unusual data transfers." He paused for a moment before speaking. "I trust your judgement, siha, but are you sure that Miranda's information was sound?"

"I can't be absolutely sure," she also said, as softly as she could. "But it was too dangerous not to investigate."

"True."

They pulled away from each other; as much as Shepard wanted to kiss him, she remembered the last time she had, the swirl of rainbow colors and the feeling of vertigo as she'd laid on her bed, her head on his shoulder. It had been very pleasant then, but now it would be risky. "Let's see what else we can find out about the people who are throwing this party," she said. "You up for some finger foods?"

"Yes. Some food would be helpful." 

She led him into the crowd, towards the refreshment table, where people stood and talked calmly among themselves. In all honestly, she was hoping to stay back, let them talk, listen to what they had to say. But she knew very well that they'd all want to say _something_ to her; the hostesses had probably been incredibly excited, and had probably spread news of her attendance throughout the planet's society data networks and magazines. It wasn't what she'd chosen, but she understood the reasoning behind it; Shepard made an excellent distraction, and this way she could have all of the attention while Thane investigated this area, and Kasumi infiltrated the other offices. 

Small talk wasn't exactly her area of expertise, but she got by well enough to avoid committing any unreasonable social missteps. Mainly she was listening for an update - Miranda or EDI or Kasumi telling her that something was wrong, that she needed to excuse herself and investigate something. Anything would do, anything to get her into a more familiar situation. 

She was fairly sure that it was a half-hour, by her reckoning, before some polite turian in what looked like a harlequin's costume nudged her in the arm. "Excuse me," he said, "but is your consort all right?" 

Thane was bent over, resting one hand on the table and the other over his mouth. She could see the glazed look in his eyes, the way his lips were moving... yes, she'd seen it. Several times. "He'll be fine," she said with a smile. "Excuse us, just for a moment." Firmly taking his arm, she guided him back to a quiet corner of the room. She could hear his breath hissing through his teeth, but no words. 

"Hm." He looked up. "I'm sorry. I try to hold them back in dangerous situations, but that one -"

"It's fine," she said. "What brought it on? What did you see?"

"I think that we have made a grave mistake." He looked at her, his eyes dark and clear again. "I saw someone that reminded me of a situation that I was in. A job given to me by a hanar who was not the one I had followed, but who was a friend of that one. Only when I arrived, men were waiting for me. Men who were entirely too aware."

She frowned. "You're talking about an ambush?" 

He nodded slowly. "I narrowly escaped with my life, siha. I cannot be sure, but I suspect -"

Something cold prickles at the base of your spine. "Who did you see?"

He lifted his eyes, and she followed his gaze... and saw the man in the robes, half-turned towards them, watching them from the corner of his green eyes as he quickly to walk away - 

And then she remembered. Green eyes. They'd just discovered Admiral Kohaku's body, lying in the middle of a containment field, his own needle buried in his arm, and they'd stormed the base facility in a barely-controlled rage. A pair of Cerberus guards had attacked them just inside of the base, and one of them had been hit by one of Garrus's rifle bullets; the shot had burst through his shields, making his head burst like an overripe melon. The other guard had turned and run, his terrified green eyes flashing for a moment - but then the rockets from the drones had hit, and by the time they'd gotten out from under their fire the man had gotten away. It had been just another soldier... and another Cerberus operative.

He was older now, and his eyes were harder, but she knew him now. She remembered. "Thane, you're right," she said. "Stay on him." 

"Of course."

She didn't look back as she left his side; he'd already be doing what she'd asked. He always did. She had to get to the cache, the one that Miranda said she'd secreted in the facility. It contained stronger weapons than her sidearm, and she'd need that if this really was a trap. 

How hadn't they seen this possibility? Of course Cerberus was going to try to trap them. The Illusive Man had been furious when she'd destroyed the base - he'd already cut off all of their funding, and would've probably taken back what he'd already given them, if Miranda and EDI hadn't found a way to hide the funds. Most of the money they operated with now was either made from the sale of excess resources, or smuggled to them under false accounts by the friends she still had in the Alliance. Of course this was the next logical step. 

She hurried as quickly as she manage in that dress. At least she'd had the good sense to wear shoes more sensible than one would usually wear in that sort of dress; she had made it a point not wear anything she couldn't run in, ever since the first one she'd been pushed into on Omega. She always ended up needing to run _somewhere._

Miranda had given her the location, and she followed the directions as fast as she could, consulting her omni-tool as soon as she got far enough away from the party that it wouldn't alert the other partygoers. None of the security noticed her; quite frankly most of them had looked away, looking far too bored and distracted. They were begging for something to happen, she was sure; if she wasn't careful, she thought sourly, they might just get their chance tonight.

The facility was a fairly nice place, she admitted to herself distractedly, lined with the usual stock office art and with the occasional plant. Pity Garrus wasn't there, she thought; he'd approve of having a gunfight in a place like that. But there'd only been an invitation for herself and one guest, and even without considering their respective areas of expertise she'd made her choice. Thane had been there for her before the mission, and he'd constantly been at her side while they stormed the base, even when they'd fought that childlike monstrosity in its center. She knew he needed someone to trust him, to give him orders and rely on them to be done, and she was happy to do that. She hoped he was still on the man's tail -

The marked room was just in front of her. She hit the controls, burst in - and saw the man in the black robes standing in front of the nondescript pile of crates where Miranda had said they would be concealed. The shotgun in his hands didn't match the costume at all. "Looking for something?" His voice was surpisingly deep and husky. She'd almost expected the voice of a young man, a scared kid almost destroyed by what he'd seen. 

Then again, people did change over the years. She knew that better than most. "You know damn well what I'm after."

"Yeah. We do." He smiled slowly. There was nothing nice about it at all. "Your leashed alien won't be here for a while. He's good, but he's predictable - we wrote the fucking dossier, remember? So you and I have a chance to talk."

"About what? About what happened?" She didn't go for her gun. It would've been pointless. All she had were the most basic shields, and a properly modded shotgun could tear through those like paper. "Your superiors decided to dabble in being mad scientists, and you killed the wrong man doing it. That's it."

"You want to talk about killing?" he snarled. "Because you killed plenty of my friends on [planet.] My best friend's head blew up right beside me."

"You were defending the people who killed an admiral! Is this how Cerberus wants to support humanity? By killing humans?"

The man looked the slightest bit guilty at that, and for a second she thought she had an opening - but the second she moved he snapped back. "We killed the admiral because he knew too much. One man's worth less than our cause. And we're going to kill you because those aliens have _turned_ you. Look at you - giving concessions to every single species that looks at you funny, making friends with the fucking _geth -"_ He stopped short, a disgusted moue on his face, but she could practically hear what he didn't say, _fucking an alien._ Her fingers twitched again; she _really_ needed her gun. "You're not one of us and you never should've survived. All of you should've died on that goddamned base."

Shepard couldn't bring herself to be surprised. "So that's it," she said. "I should've known."

"Hey, you did kind of owe us," he sneered. "But I'm done with this conversation. The Illusive Man said I could kill you, and _I'm_ not letting him dow-"

Something slid under his feet and burst, releasing a cloud of what looked like white smoke, and Shepard broke and ran for cover, watching over the edge of the crates as she went for the gun on her ankle. The gun in the operative's hand went wild, the shot firing into the ceiling, as he choked and fell to the ground, clutching at his chest. 

"Your organization may have written my dossier," Thane said as coolly as ever as he emerged from a darkened corner. He had lost the cape again, but his tunic was unwrinkled. "But you were presumptuous to believe you had all of the available data."

"You..." the man gasped, as his lips twitched into something like a smile. "You idiots... it's over." Then his eyes glazed over, and he collapsed.

Shepard emerged from cover, gun still in her hand. "Nice timing," she said, giving Thane a nod."

"Of course. I thought you'd appreciate hearing what he had to say."

"Yeah. Confirmed my suspicions, that's for sure." She looked down at the man. "Is he still alive?"

"Yes. I used a powerful form of knockout gas. Don't worry; it's only potent for approximately two seconds." He punched something into his own omni-tool. "Miranda and Jacob would likely be interested in speaking to this man themselves. We should see that he is collected."

She nodded. "We probably ought to make ourselves scarce, too. Security's going to come investigate that gunfire any minute -"

Before she could finish, her earpiece screamed into life. "Shepard," EDI's emotionless voice said over the line, "nothing was found in the other facility. However, I strongly urge you to return to the party with your weapons. I have picked up a feed amongst the security there, and there seems to be a disturbance."

Shepard looked at Thane, who was still securing the body. He nodded back, then looked back at the limp figure and muttered something under his breath that the translator didn't pick up. "Look," he said, pulling something from the man's neck. "A transmitter measuring his vital signs -"

"A dead man's trigger!" She ran for the crates, tearing through them with newfound energy, no longer overly concerned about her costume. "Damn it, knocking him out must've set it off!"

"He was better prepared than I gave him credit for." Thane joined her, pushing a few more crates out of the way, punching in the access code for the heavy red one that sat below them. "We should hurry. Let me prepare the weapons."

"Good plan - we'll need the heavy stuff for this." She touched her earpiece. "EDI! We need access to that security feed!" 

"Patching you through," EDI replied.

The headphone dissolved into static as Thane handed Shepard the particle beam. "I assume this would be your first choice," he said with the ghost of a smile.

 _"Yes._ " She smiled grimly as she checked the power cells and adjusted the alien sight. It wasn't the easiest thing to use, but it was precise, and she'd hardly used any of the other heavies since Horizon. 

"All right." Thane grabbed an SMG. "Let's go."

The audio crackled back to life as they ran back to the party. "We've got two fully shielded YMIRs!" a woman's voice was saying over the headphones. "Evacuate the guests, we're going to have to call for backup!" 

"Don't worry, honey, backup's on its way," Shepard muttered under her breath, and smiled. She might not know why these things kept happening, but she didn't care - she _lived_ for moments like this.

They knew they were getting close when they started running past the odd costumed partygoer - a few at first, in lab coats and clown suits and tasteful dresses. The deluge came just as they had almost reached the entrance, and she flattened herself against the wall as best she could as the crowd of screaming civilians ran by. She saw Thane doing the same, only he had a barrier around his body - she was incredibly jealous of him right about then, about the way his shielding seemed to live in his head. She was going to have to let him take care of the close-quarters stuff, she thought. She hoped he was up to it - he'd been short of breath more often lately than she remembered him being when they'd first met.

No, she told herself. She was _not_ thinking about that now.

The crowd subsided long enough for the two of them to burst into the large ballroom, which looked completely different now - tables flipped, food and punch spilled on the polished floor, security agents doing their best to fire on the two mechs that were laying waste to their party. One of them seemed to be concentrating on destroying as much property as it possibly could; the other had started paying undue attention to the guards. She watched it fire a heavy burst of machine-gun fire at a turian with an SMG, watched him stagger and collapse behind what was left of a heavy wooden table. He was still alive, but he was bleeding heavily as his talon-tipped fingers fumbled for his medi-gel pack. 

"Too much collateral damage," she was saying over her earpiece. "We need to give that one another target!"

"On it," he said, smoothly running out and taking cover behind another flipped table. "I believe I may have found a use for that ostentatious display."

"So that's what I said it was," she muttered, warming up her particle beam. "Distract it and try to knock out its shields. I've got it after that."

"Yes." She could see part of him behind his cover, just before she ducked behind a column, and she saw the blue energy flaring around his temples, flickering over his entire body like fire.

It happened quickly - one second the statue was on the ground. The next it had been sheared free of its base and was flying in front of the mech, who apparently recognized it as a sufficient threat to start firing more rounds into it. The bullets went right through it, smashing into the walls, but at least they weren't going to hurt anyone else in the room. Meanwhile Thane was jumping back from behind cover, firing on the mech, overloading shields that had already taken a beating from the security agents' electronic pulses.

There was a familiar burning smell as the YMIR's mass effect generator shorted out; it would take some time for it to finish its self-repair protocol. That was _her_ cue. She jumped up, aiming carefully - she needed to finish this quickly -

The mech launched a rocket at the table, blowing it to bits, leaving behind a black, nasty-smelling cloud. " _Thane!_ " she yelled over the earpiece. "Answer me!"

Nothing. Just static.

"You fuckers!" she yelled, and took aim and fired. The beam drilled into the damned mech's head, striking its right visual sensor, making it twitch as small explosions started to burst up and down its body. She didn't let up, though, she kept the beam on it until its balancing mechanisms start to fail, and the thing started stepping backwards to compensate -

She abandoned her cover then, ran out into the battlefield where the ruined table had been, hoping to see some sign of Thane - but there was nothing, just the wounded turian who looked up at her with barely focusing eyes. She hadn't recognized him before - it had been a bit difficult without the lab coat. "You're... Shepard?" he asked. 

"We'll talk later," she snapped, keeping it all inside, dragging him behind a nearby marble bar - 

The explosion still knocked her off of her feet, even behind cover. The turian groaned. "I... why are they..."

 _"Later,"_ she repeated, stumbling to her feet. She gave him a quick once-over scan, saw his vitals improving. Apparently he'd found his medi-gel. "Stay here. I've got to take care of the other one."

He nodded, slowly lowering himself to the floor. Hopefully he'd do what she said, she thought as she dashed out, running to where the other mech had started to notice the people harrassing it - they seemed to be having better luck, with an asari zipping away as soon as it tried to line up a shot, and a salarian behind cover pulsing away its shields. She lined up a shot -

The gun beeped a warning - _Low Power._

_Fuck._ She'd used all of her ammo on the first one, like a goddamned amateur. But she still had her pistol, she told herself, and it still had the modded AP rounds, and she'd damn well use them if she had to-

The mech turned to her, and its eyes flashed red. Looked like she'd have to.

She ducked behind the large table, crouching and walking down its length as it fired - they were sturdy, but they'd break eventually, and she didn't want to be taking fire when it did. It became a waiting game - duck down, try to avoid the bullets, fire back at it with her pistol when it reloaded. Fucking box of bolts was going to go _down,_ she thought, for what they'd done -

Another blue flash. Something small, something she couldn't clearly make out, shot from behind another makeshift cover and drove itself into its right optic, and the red light there went out. She blinked, taken aback for less than a second, then aimed for its left.

Two shots. She used to be able to do it in one; she needed to get in some practice. But the damned thing was blind, now. Wouldn't take long. 

The beam didn't have much power left. She hoped it had enough power for _this._ "Everyone take cover!" she broadcast over the channel as she pulled the trigger.

The beam stuck it square in the chest, over its power supply. It didn't even get a chance to fall before it exploded, sent blistering hot metal flying over the room. Shepard dropped down as fast as she could, gritting her teeth.

It was over. But not for her. She stood up - her dress was probably a wreck but she didn't care - and managed to regain her balance, putting one hand on the nearly ruined table. "Thane," she said into her earpiece. "Please. Please copy."

She heard a step behind her, and before she could turn around a familiar hand was on her shoulder. "Forgive me," he said. "My earpiece was damaged in the explosion. I had to find another angle of attack."

She almost laughed then, and leaned back into him. "Already forgiven," she said. "Guess I ought to thank you for helping me blind the other one. Should've known that was you."

"It was understandable," he said. "I did not mean to -"

"Stop it," she commanded, and turned and kissed him on the lips for good measure. Surely one kiss wouldn't hurt, now that the mechs were gone. And judging from the eagerness with which Thane kissed back, he must have agreed.

\---

The hostess had insisted that she and Thane stay in their resort hotel for a few days while things were sorted out.

It wasn't a bad deal for Shepard, especially after they'd had a chance to chat with Miranda and make sure that they had an escape plan if they needed it. But so far, it looked as if she wasn't getting the blame for this one. Apparently, certain Cerberus agents hadn't been properly following certain taxation laws, and so it was more politically desirable to put the blame on them and declare Shepard the hero of the day. They'd even allowed Shepard to transport their prisoner to the Normandy, where no doubt he'd had some nice long chats with Jacob and Miranda about the Illusive Man's current plans.

That suited Shepard and Thane just fine. They'd had their share of admiring letters and such from the public, which they'd mostly ignored in favor of lying in bed and watching vids. One of the distributors on Illium had purchased the rights to "The Princess and the Frog" so that she could purchase a completely restored version, and had promised that it was going to become one of the hottest vids on Illium thanks to Shepard's influence, if not the hottest in Council space. It was a very nice remaster, although Shepard did privately think that she still liked her old, fuzzy bootleg copy the most.

It was near the end of their stay when a guest came to call on them. Shepard had thought of ignoring it like she had most of the notes, until she saw his picture. It was easier to recognize him, that time.

He insisted on buying them dinner, as a thank-you gesture. "I'm very grateful to both of you," the turian said - his name was Tasin Joquich, he'd said, and he was still one of the most polite people she'd met in a long while.

"I appreciate it, but it's not really necessary. We were just doing what we had to do."

"True," he said, "but if you hadn't done what you had to do, I would have probably died." He chuckled slightly. "And... hm. As a freelance security agent I have little to offer, but I do want to extend one possibility to you, if you'd desire it."

"Shoot," she said.

"Well, my mate is a society photographer, and she has expressed some interest in having you and Sere Krios as subjects - in costume, of course. Whether or not you would like those pictures distributed amongst the planet would be entirely up to you, although she's quite good at that sort of thing as well. But I thought you might at least like some professional shots as a souvenir, of sorts?"

"Hmm." She glanced at Thane, who nodded slightly - not so much agreement to the offer as an agreement to follow Shepard's lead. She was used to that. "Would she be comfortable if we brought our weapons?"

He blinked, taken slightly aback. "I don't see why not," he answered, and to his credit he only sounded slightly confused.

"Good. We accept." She raised her glass. "I'll have our chief scientist restore our costumes right away."

The turian chuckled and shrugged slightly. "I'll put you in touch with her after dinner. You can discuss the details with her, if you wish."

"Sounds good." She grinned and took Thane's hand, and looked around for a waiter. She was sure that Tasin wouldn't mind if she ordered a modest dessert.

Maybe parties weren't so bad after all.

[end]


End file.
